Not Just Another

jayeee-c:

jayeee-c:

The picture on the left. I know it’s hard to see but yes, that’s me from 6 years ago. 

I still remember the time I had back in the days.

6 years ago, I moved from Korea to Bensenville. I could barely speak English, I didn’t give a fuck about what I wear or how I look, and there were literally NO Asians at Bensenville. I moved to Bensenville by myself and I lived with my grandmother. My grandmother had work so she left the house really early and she came home really late everyday so I always woke up by myself and I had to ride a school bus to school and back to home. I was a 6th grader and honestly I was too lonely for that age. All of my friends and family were in Korea and when I came home from my middle school, I always juss sat on my couch, do nothing and just wait til my grandmother comes home.

People from my school thought I was very interesting because they’ve never seen an Asian like me before. Well, there was this one Vietnamese guy but he was really white washed. People would always ask me to talk to me in Korean and I thought people were trying to be friends with me but for first few weeks, they juss talked to me cuhs I seemed interesting to them. 

After few weeks, no one talked to me because I could barely speak English. I was such a loner that I still remember; at my old middle school, we had to sit in the same spot for the rest of the year during lunch and I didn’t know where to sit so I juss sat on a table that was empty and because there were no other empty seats, these popular people sat on a table with me. I felt so awkward cuhs even though I wasn’t good at understanding English, I could totally tell that those popular people were straight up talking shit about me, my looks, my clothes and everything else. Well, I couldn’t do anything about it. I juss had to go through that shit because of the stupid school rule.

I had few friends; well, I don’t even know if I can call them ‘friends’. They juss talked to me because I was always alone and they felt bad for me. I remember this one girl invited me to her birthday party and I was so excited because it was my first time hanging out with people. I had a band concert that day but I left there early to go to her birthday party. Yes, that’s how much I wanted to go. But when I went there, she just said hi to me, totally ignored me and juss hung out with her other friends. I was wearing my band uniform and that girl was pointing at me with her friends and laughing because of how I looked. I still remember I was sitting in the corner by myself, with my clarinet case the whole time and I hated myself for going there.

I remember I had a crush. I remember I liked this Vietnamese guy because I thought he was pretty cute and stuff. But I never had a courage to talk to him or anything because he was one of the popular ones and I was juss an Asian girl who’s a loner. One day, it was P.E and we had to run a mile and I was running and that Vietnamese guy and his friend were running next to me and they said, “CHINK!” with laughs. I knew that they were making fun of me but I couldn’t do anything this time also because I was juss a loner/loser.

I seriously hated my life in Bensenville because everything was juss so shitty and I was judged all the fucking time because of my looks. JUST MY FUCKING LOOKS when everything was suppose to be about inside and personality.

I moved out of Bensenville a year after and I moved to California and that’s when I totally lost contacts with people from Bensenville. I made new friends here and I liked California way better than Bensenville cuhs I mean, there are a lot of people like me here. 

5 years after I moved out of Bensenville and out of curious, I searched that Vietnamese on Facebook and I found him so I added him. He accepted me right away and the first thing he said was, “Omg you got so much hotter.” That’s what other people who made fun of me said too. They were complimenting me and telling me how much I changed. I laughed. I mean, these people are all being nice to me and shit juss because my looks changed. They made fun of me because of my looks but now that my looks changed a lot, they would suck up to me like crazy by saying, “I miss you!” and “When are you gonna come to Bensenville?”

Seriously, I juss wanted to say, “Fuck you, bitches. Now y’all are all over my pussy juss cuhs my looks changed, you fucking faggots.” I mean, yeah I added them first because all those shit was from 5 years ago so it’s not like I still hated all of them but I juss HATED how people were only talking to me juss cuhs my looks changed. 

Well, I didn’t say anything to them. In fact, I juss tried to let it go and I was actually being nice to them. 

I think it’s funny how people can be so shady with looks. It’s funny how the way people treat you can be totally different depends on your looks. I mean, they don’t even have rights to decide if you are pretty or not especially when everyone’s beautiful in their own ways. 

Juss for this anon who said this doesn’t even look like me & etc. Here’s the proof:

Before and after. :3 

(via shaandii)